31- Informed Decision Making & God's Word

Transcript:

We’ve had a bit of an extended break but today we’re back with season 5 and episode 31. I’ve got some great episodes lined up for you this season which is scheduled to run at least through the end of August with episodes coming to you every other week.

We’ll be talking a lot about informed decision making this season. I’ve also got some birth stories to share, some devotional episodes, as well as a few interviews that I know you’re going to find helpful.

One of the reasons it’s been a while since I last posted an episode is that I’ve been working to get my online class, Growing in Confidence & Peace, up and running. This is a class that I’ve been offering locally for a while, but now it’s available internationally.

I’ll post links in the show notes to more information for both the internationally available and the local to Nairobi options. I’d love to meet you there!

Ok, let’s jump into today’s episode…

One of the ways that human beings image God is in our ability to think and reason. Unlike Him, we sometimes find this privilege and responsibility overwhelming. There seem to be so many decisions to make on any given day. This is one of the reasons that routine is so nice. We’ve already made the decisions and we can just do the next thing without having to think much about it.

Pregnancy and childbirth, especially if this is your first, is definitely out of the routine and it is a time full of decision making. In order to avoid the overwhelm, it can be tempting to just decide to do “whatever the doctor tells me to do” and then not think about it much after that. And on one hand, it may seem like a good decision since the doctor is an expert, right? Well, yes, you should be able to trust your doctor as a medical expert or your mid-wife as a birthing expert, but you are the expert on you. And since no two people are exactly alike, and no two pregnancies or births are exactly alike, it is important to bring together the medical & birthing expertise with who you are, taking your peculiarities and preferences into consideration. Today I want to encourage you to practice informed decision making throughout your pregnancy and childbirth. Ideally, it will also be shared decision-making where you and your doctor or midwife are collaborating to make the best decision for your particular situation. If you don’t have a care provider who is willing to do this with you, you might want to consider finding another care provider.

Birth is more than just a medical or physical event. Human beings are embodied souls and both our bodies and our souls (both the material and immaterial parts of us) are involved in childbirth. And when you are able to engage both, it tends to be a more satisfying experience. The time of pregnancy and childbirth is a vulnerable time and can be quite transformative. The more you are able to participate in the decision-making process, the more satisfied in the overall experience you’re likely to be, even when things don’t go as you had hoped.

Before we talk about what informed decision making actually is and how to go about doing it, I want to take a few minutes to think about what God’s word has to say about decision making as well.

You’re probably familiar with at least some of what the book of Proverbs has to say about wisdom:

Proverbs 2:4 says we should “seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures.” And chapter 16 verse 16 says “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.” It’s easy to see that wisdom in decision making is important but when the answers we’re looking for are not written down in the bible, how do we make the decision?

As I was doing some research for this episode, I ran across an article on desiringgod.org written by Aimee Joseph, author of Demystifying Decision Making. The article is titled, Triune Decision-Making: How God Guides Tough Choices. In this article she talks about how the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit all play a part in guiding believers as we make decisions, even everyday normal decisions. She talks about how God the Father has given us his Word and standards to guide us. Jesus, God the Son, is the one who created all things and holds all things together as we know from Col 1. She says “If God is in complete control over all things (which he is), then we can trust that he has perfectly ordered our present circumstances with their opportunities, challenges, and limitations.” And God, the Holy Spirit, who knows the depths of a person’s thoughts and personality guides us through our personal preferences and desires. I’ll put a link in the show notes so you can check out the whole article, if you’re interested.

A book entitled, “The Will of God as a Way of Life” by Jerry Sittser, was also informative as I thought through this idea of biblical decision making. Sometimes there’s not necessarily a right and a wrong answer. Sometimes, even when we’re trying to do everything just right, we might make what later feels like a wrong decision. Here’s the thing – and I love this quote from chapter 7 in Jerry Sittser’s book, “The assurance that our choices are in fact God’s will has nothing to do with the wisdom of our choices, though we ought to make wise choices – for our own sake and for God’s glory. Rather, it has everything to do with the bounty of God’s grace. He is the reason why we can march through life with bold confidence.” Then he goes on to remind us of Paul’s words in Romans 8, “35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 …37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” [and let me just add in here, that includes any decision we make]

Remember the Good Shepherd in Psalm 23. He doesn’t leave his sheep. He leads us by still waters and to green pastures, as well as through difficult valleys. He is never distant. Always close. Always caring. He leads us in paths of righteousness, not because we’re so good and worthy, but for His name’s sake – because that’s who He is. And as Isaiah 40:11points out, he gently leads those that are with young. That’s you, mama. Seek Him and trust Him.

So back to our question of the day… How do we do that with decisions that come up in pregnancy and childbirth? How can we seek wisdom in these matters, stewarding our choices well and trusting God’s sovereignty?

I think one of the ways we can do this is through informed decision making, meaning you take the time to get the information needed to make the best decision you can in your particular situation.

Obviously, if there is a true emergency, your decision has already been made to trust the doctor to move swiftly and wisely. However, contrary to popular belief, there is usually time during labor to ask a few questions and make informed decisions about how you want to proceed with things.

So how do we do this informed decision making that I keep talking about? If you’ve listened to many of my podcasts or taken one of my classes, chances are you’ve heard me talk about the BRAIN acronym. Or maybe you’re familiar with it from somewhere else. It’s not original to me, but I think it’s super useful.

The B stands for Benefits, R for Risks, A for alternatives, I for Intuition (& I want you to think of intuition being informed by prayer), and the N is for Now or Nothing. B-R-A-I-N Let’s go thru it one more time

B- Benefits. Here you could ask, “What are the benefits of doing this thing, whatever it is for baby? & what are the benefits for mama? Why is this suggested or why do you feel it’s necessary?”

R- Risks. Ask, “What are the risks for mama and baby? How could this affect the rest of the birthing process? What other procedures might follow?”

A- Alternatives. You could ask, “Are there any alternatives or other options that we could consider?” And you can consider benefits and risks for those as well.

I- Intuition. And I always add prayer in here. Intuition informed by prayer. Take a moment to pray and ask the Lord for guidance. Pray with your partner. Talk together. Then ask, what is my intuition telling me to do? If you are a Christ follower, you have the Holy Spirit, and he will guide you.

N- Now or Never? This can help you figure out the urgency of the situation. Ask, “Can we wait an hour (or a day) to decide? What happens if we do nothing?

I’ll include a graphic in the show notes to help you remember all that.

Let me emphasize here that different couples will come to different conclusions, using the same set of questions. This is because your preferences and desires play a role in the decision-making process. That’s not to say that sometimes your preferences don’t have to be put aside to do what’s best for both mama and baby. But many times, there is more than one way forward and it’s ok and good for you to choose.

Here's an example. In general, I encourage mamas not to do elective inductions – that is an induction without a medical indication. I was surprised when I was thinking back over what my mom had told me about when I was born to realize that’s exactly what my mom had done. If you’re familiar with my story you know my mom was a childbirth educator (she sort of fell into that role after my birth because her doctor kept encouraging her in that direction) and my love for all things childbirth definitely comes from her. She had told me that I was about 2 weeks overdue and she had walked all over the small town my parents lived in trying to encourage me to come. They had even gone for long rides on bumpy roads trying to jolt me into action but I was pretty content to stay put. For his work my Dad was going to have to be in a remote location far from phones (there was no such thing as a cell phone back then) and mom was worried about going into labor and not being able to get in touch with Dad so they talked to her doctor and he suggested they consider breaking the water to get labor going. Fun fact about my mom’s doctor – this is the same doctor who delivered my momma when she was born. Mom had told me about getting settled into her hospital room and the doctor coming in and breaking her water, telling her it might be a while before she felt anything and as the door closed behind him, she felt the first contraction. It was on. And it wasn’t long after that that I was born. Now as a childbirth educator myself, I know it is NOT a good idea to break a woman’s water before she’s at least 4-5 centimeters and better to wait past 6. I couldn’t imagine that my mom was past 6 cm and hadn’t felt any contractions but when I asked her, she told me that she was already dilated to 8cm! Her doctor, knowing that, guessed it wouldn’t take much to send her into full on labor and the risk of my Dad not being around if she waited for labor to start on it’s own outweighed the benefits of continuing to wait, so they made the decision to go ahead with the induction. When I was thinking back over the part of the story that I knew, I was tempted to think my mom & dad had made an unwise decision, even tho’ I knew and was thankful that it had turned out alright. Talking to my mom and getting more details helped me to understand that they had in fact made a very wise choice.

The point is they took all the information, Benefits, Risks, alternatives, preferences, personal circumstances into consideration and with their doctor made a decision that fit.

I also share this as a caution to us all against making judgement calls on another couple’s decisions. Whether you know or agree with all of their reasoning is not important. You may be tempted to compare yourself with other pregnant couples. Here’s the thing to remember. Use your BRAIN to assess your own unique situation and make the best decision you know how to make for you and your baby. Trust that the Lord will guide you. He will guide that other couple too, if they are seeking him - and their path may look very different from yours. That’s Ok. He’s a good God. He’s in control and he gives us decisions to make along the way. Let’s steward that responsibility well. Things don’t always turn out the way we want them too & sometimes you’ll feel like you make a mistake. But remember, if you are in Christ, nothing will be able to separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If you’ve enjoyed today’s podcast or found it helpful, I hope you’ll share it with a friend, and I’d love for you to leave a rating and review.

It is my prayer that these podcasts will help you grow in confidence and peace as the day draws near for you to meet your little one. I'm so glad you tuned in today.

And if you’d like to go deeper or have some help along the journey, I encourage you to check out my Growing in Confidence and Peace childbirth course. There’s a link in the show notes where you can find more information.

Show Notes:

Resources:

Triune Decision-Making: How God Guides Tough Choices | Desiring God

The Will of God as a Way of Life by Jerry Sittser

Connect with me:

Growing in Confidence & Peace Childbirth Course

If you’re local to Nairobi, Kenya, this is the link for you!

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